The Idaho murders suspect openly wrote about his mental-health struggles in social-media posts.
In 2011, Bryan Kohberger wrote he was suicidal and had an “absence of emotion,” the posts show.
He also complained about a little-understood neurological condition called visual snow.
In a series of old forum posts, the Idaho killings suspect said he didn’t feel emotion and could do “whatever I want with little remorse.”
In the posts, written on the site Tapatalk in 2011, Bryan Kohberger described struggling with his mental health as well as a rare neurological condition called visual snow.
Kohberger posted under an alias, but included several references that match details of his life. The New York Times reported on the posts on Friday, which it said it had verified.
“I always feel as if I am not there, completely depersonalized,” he wrote in one post reviewed by Insider. “Mentally I experience fog, lack of comprehension at some times … depression … suicide.”
“I felt no emotion and along with the depersonalization, I can say and do whatever I want with little remorse,” he added. “Everyone hates me pretty much I am an asshole.”
In another post, Kohberger wrote about how his depersonalization made him feel like life wasn’t real.
“As I hug my family, I look into their faces, I see nothing, it is like I am looking at a video game, but less. I feel less than mentally damaged, it is like I have severe brain damage,” he wrote.
Kohberger was arrested earlier this month on first-degree murder charges in the deaths of four University of Idaho students. He was also charged with one count of burglary.
The students — Ethan Chapin, Madison Mogen, Xana Kernodle, and Kaylee Goncalves — were all found stabbed to death in their home close to campus nearly two months ago.
Kohberger, a 28-year-old criminology grad student, has been described as a chatty and charming person who used to be bullied for his weight in high school. After losing the weight, one former friend told The Daily Beast that he became “aggressive.”
Another former friend from high school told The Times that Kohberger had often complained about his visual snow.
“I know it was something that really bugged him,” Thomas Arntz told The Times. “He was basically to the point where he was neurotic about it.”
People with visual snow syndrome, which was first recognized by doctors in 1995, continuously see tiny, snow-like flecks in their vision. That static-like vision — which remains even with their eyes closed — can be debilitating to some, affecting their capacity to think.
“I feel less than mentally damaged, it is like I have severe brain damage,” Kohberger wrote in another forum post. “I might spiral out of control and lose myself in the void, I can’t let it all go.”
He added: “I remember when I was 15, I would wander alone at 2 a.m., everything was so generic, nowhere felt like home, I saw things that were not there, a different reality. I felt eerie and alone, I died during those nights. I felt like a criminal, but where was my record?”
Kohberger appeared at a pretrial hearing in Idaho on Thursday. His next court appearance is set for June 26.
Correction: January 13, 2022 — An earlier version of this story misspelled Kohberger’s name as Kohnberger.
Read the original article on Insider